YOU KNOW WHEN you wake up one day and you just don’t feel like yourself? And sometimes it’s fleeting and you find your footing really quickly and all is well. And other times you wake up sooooooo many days in a row not feeling like yourself that you completely forget what “feeling like you” even feels like? No? Just me. K sweet.
I know when I’m “dealing” with stuff because I start to remember my dreams. If I wake up in the morning and remember my dream I know I didn’t have a good sleep. If I didn’t have a good sleep I know it’s because I’ve got something on my mind. Something I’m analyzing, trying to figure out, overcome or fix.
I learned this about myself while I was in university. While most kids my age had a perma-hangover. I had a perma-heartbreak. One that every single night for the better of 3 years taunted me until the wee hours. Of course I didn’t know that’s why I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t thinking about it, I wasn’t thinking about anything. I was just stuck there lying in bed with my eyes wide open not thinking about anything other than the fact that I wanted to be sleeping but for some reason couldn’t be. When I fled to Vancouver I got closure. My first night in this city was the best sleep I’d had in long time. I’ve slept like a baby ever since.
Until the last month or so that is.
I’ve had A LOT going on. And I haven’t really been sharing it on here. But what I’ve realized is that it’s made keeping this blog running really difficult because everything I want to post about has to do with what’s been going on in my life (duh, this is a lifestyle blog). And then I felt like so much has happened that explaining it all was just too overwhelming.
But if you buckle your seatbelt and bare with me, I’ll take you through the fast-lane of what’s been going on. And then hopefully everything from here on out will just make sense.
So without further ado – my heart on the line:
LES ON MY 20s: Your 20’s are completely confusing. And I thought 15 was bad. Ha! I have no idea who I’m supposed to be. I feel like a kid but I have adult responsibilities. You spend your whole life on the exact same path as all your friends. You hit every milestone together and are there to high-five each other at the finish line. Then you graduate and some people travel the world, some start full-blown careers, others get married. All of a sudden you’re like, hey wait… we were on the same path, how did you get over there? And what’s that bright shiny thing you’ve got (job, ring, passport stamps) I’d like one of those… where did you get it? Why don’t my objects shine quite as brightly as yours… what kind of polish do you use? This has been a very humbling (and frustrating) thing to go through. Being grateful and content with exactly where you are is probably one of life’s greatest challenges.
LES ON LOVE: Hey. I started sorta seeing someone. It didn’t work out. It was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. Turns out all this time (aka the last 5 years…) I’ve been playing defense with my heart. Pshhhh no way was I going to let anyone break my heart – I like my sleep too much. I thought I was incapable of feeling anything for anyone. Then I met someone. And for some reason I didn’t put a wall up. It was weird. So I kept going with it. And he was kinda cute. And we had fun. And I remembered what it felt like to have companionship. And I liked it. And the whole time I knew it wasn’t a forever thing but I also knew there was a reason it was happening. And for as long as we were enjoying each other’s company I was cool with letting it progress. When it ended, the reason he came into my life was so clear to me, that I wasn’t upset about the loss, I was just excited about the future. Turns out you have to be willing to let someone break your heart in order to feel love too. And by “break your heart” I really just mean be vulnerable. What a concept! By definition it would be considered an insignificant relationship – a summer fling if you will – yet, it was actually so pivotal in my life. I will forever be grateful to him for that.
LES ON HEALTH: So I’ve vaguely mentioned this a few times but here’s the deal. I’m working with the amazing Lacey Kondi on some fitness and health goals of mine. She’s coaching me through a 9-week program and I’m incredibly motivated and excited about it. It’s intense. But it’s so good. And I’m 1.5 weeks in and I feel awesome. I was stuck in a crazy rut in October and this challenge was exactly what I needed to get out. Something to focus on, something to keep me busy. I’m so dedicated that I sat at the bar with Tiff on Saturday night and went drink for drink with her with water. #imagoodfriend.
LES ON MONEY: Being 24, single and living on your own in one of “the world’s most expensive cities” is really freaking stressful. I am the first to admit I live a rather fortunate life over here but I am trying to be way more intentional with my money these days. I’m flexing my “no” muscle in a big way.
LES ON CAREER: As it turns out it’s not all sunshine and lollipops. This summer I was finally faced with having to admit, to myself and to my team that I didn’t love my job. Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my company, but the particular role I’m in wasn’t getting me inspired or fired up. I was so stuck I started to hate who I was being. I am incredibly thankful for the support I’ve received from my coworkers, managers, etc. And I’m on a wicked awesome path to figuring out what it is I do want to do. Sharing this was one of the scariest things I’ve done (I was pretty sure I was going to talk myself out of a job) but it has been one of the most rewarding things too. That’s what this post was about.
So ya, a lot has been going on behind the scenes.
And it’s classic Allessia to let it all build up until it blows and that’s pretty much why you’re reading this essay.
It’s been a lot of things to work through all at once. It has been exhausting and overwhelming but it’s challenged me in a really cool way. But you know what they say. No grit. No Pearl. I suspect 2014 will be a full-on necklace. I’m pretty stoked.